Lessons at 3 o'clock in the Morning...

Very early this morning John and I awoke to a vomitting child and spent the next hour comforting, bathing, and washing bedding. Somewhere in the middle of my fog, a very clear recollection of a conversation I had had with a friend less than 24 hours earlier came slamming into my mind. I had been discussing the merits of healthy eating. "Our family simply doesn't get sick very often," I said. "I know a healthy diet can't stave off all illness, but I'm sure it makes a difference." So, in the midst of wiping throw up out of my daughter's hair, I had the distinct impression that although it's important to take care of our bodies, it truly is God's grace that makes good health and all blessings we receive in this life possible. It's surely not because of any measly power I have that my heart beats continually or that my body functions properly at all.

I think I'll be calling my friend back today...

Speaking of Cate

I just posted this as a comment on my friend Tricia's blog. I think it's something I want to remember forever, so I'm posting it here too.

Cate (my almost 5 year old) sidled up to me the other day and said, "Mom, I'm a little embarassed to tell you this, but your cakes are OUTSTANDING!" I giggled (under my breath) and asked her if she knew what "outstanding" meant. She replied, "No." So I asked her if she thought it was good or bad. She quickly responded that she thought it was good. Then she asked me what it meant. I told her it means "really wonderful--even better than expected." I wish the whole world could have seen the delight in her eyes as she practiced the definition out loud a few times and then shared her new found knowledge with her brothers and sisters. Words are wonderful!!

Is Grandpa Going To Die?

I was just in telling my two "big" girls good night after a very long day. Of course when it's very late and I'm so very tired, one of my children will inevitably ask a question I can't ignore. Ali started asking questions about her Grandpa Ellis, who is sick. Five years ago, his breast cancer returned after many years of being in remission--this time to infiltrate his bones and lungs. Recently he seems to be declining at a quickened pace.

I feel like no matter how bleak the situation may seem, we should always hold out hope and keep praying for a miracle. How can God ever grant us one if we don't believe it's possible or even bother to ask? The older kids and I have been talking about it. Of course I explain the part about God's will, but I firmly believe that we miss out on so many blessings because we just don't ask. I don't pretend to know all the reasons why we fail to ask. I just know that in my case, I fear having my hopes dashed if God decides what I want isn't what He wants. So many of our hearts are going to break into a million little pieces if or when it happens, that I figure having our hopes dashed will be minimal compared to the loss we will feel at his passing. The kids and I are going to hold out for a miracle.

Cate was listening as Ali and I discussed Grandpa's situtaion. She asked me if he was going to die. I told her that Grandpa is really sick, that he has cancer. That was all she needed to hear. She broke into sobs. "All I want to do is just go be with Grandpa and take care of him." I told her we might try and go in November. She said she didn't want to wait that long, that we should "go, like the day after tomorrow." Maybe we should. She's feels so sad that all her grandpas will be gone if Grandpa Ellis dies. She loves this wonderful giant of man with all her heart--so much emotion and love bundled up in such a tiny little 4 year old. I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her until the hurt was all squeezed out. I can't just whip out a bandaid and make this one better. This is deep. This is gut wrenchingly real. This is when I have no place to go, but to the Lord. And pray with all my heart that He'll take this sweet little one in His arms and comfort her like only He can do. I pray that He will...

My More Feminine Side...

Feeling the need to clear the air from my latest post. Here's to lightening the mood...It's my most recent project. I know that organizing stuff is not energizing for all women, but it is so therapeutic for me. These shelves are my pride and joy and I hesitate sharing them like I might hesitate sharing my own poetry (if I wrote poetry). They're my own personal work of art.

When chaos is winning (as it often does) in my homeschooling world and I can't seem to do anything about it, all I have to do is walk into my little laundry room and breathe in the order. Somehow it helps me face whatever is waiting for me outside of that tiny space. It has been a life saver for me so far this year--especially the pink peony in the white basket. It's truly the simple things that make all the difference!

It's Friday--9/11/09. I'm supposed to be cleaning my house, but I'm actually just wandering aimlessly through it, as the thoughts running through my mind accumulate to the point of overload. If I don't sort them out into something a little more concrete, I may spontaneously combust. I hope you'll indulge me. Right now I'm wishing I were more clever than I really am. Oh how I wish I could eloquently and pointedly transfer my feelings into words, but today you just get plain speech.

First of all, my heart is with all of the people who were personally affected by the trajedy that occurred 8 years ago today. I remember the day vividly. So many emotions and feelings--deep sadness, fear, numbness. The only thing I can think to do about it today, is to put as much good into the world as I can--hoping somehow to counteract the evil that perpetrated such a horrible act.

Second, I'm absolutely beginning to lose my mind over this whole health care issue! I admit that I do not have all the facts surrounding it. I don't want to offend anyone. And, I truly welcome any opposing views. I would love to hear a logical argument for the other side. Please know I'm just exercising my freedom to express (with a vengeance).

I just can't imagine how this can be a good thing. Since when have we trusted politicians to tell the truth and do the altuistic thing? Since when has a government program been known for it's efficiency and ability to cut costs? In one breath, I hear people complaining about medicare (a government run program) and then advocating government run healthcare. Am I the only one who thinks this is abosultely asinine? If the government can't make medicare work, how on earth can it take on the whole system and do better?

I feel like John and I try to do our part to be altruistic, donating Americans. We give of our means freely and happily to those who are less fortunate. Please bear with me for a minute. I'm only sharing this to make a point. President Obama has shared his feeling that it's time for all of us to step up and take a hit for the good of the nation. It angers me to no end that he feels it's his duty to decide how, when and where I will give. Haven't we already been taxed enough? If the government is so efficient, why don't they start cutting some of the fat from the many government programs that already exist and find a way to pour those resources into helping those who don't have health insurance. What about the stimulus money? Where has that all gone? I haven't heard of a single person who has been able to save their home from bankruptcy because of the money that was supposedly earmarked for them--and I know several people who have or are in the process of losing their homes. Has anyone heard what good the money has accomplished? I'm afraid the only thing it may end up accomplishing is crushing our economy. If that happens, who will pay end up paying for the new healthcare system?

I do agree that there are many problems with our current system. I'm not so ignorant as to be blind to the fact that we need change. I just feel that people are so eager to condemn the evil corporations, that they don't stop to think about the trade they're making. Evil corporations vs. honest, caring politician? Talk about jumping out of the frying pan...

I know many people that are completely entranced by the eloquence and charisma of our new president. I watch them on tv too, as they practically swoon and faint in his presence. They seem to lap up every word that oozes from his lips without ever once checking the facts. He has all the charm and zeal of a televangelist. Wait! That's it!! Instead of compelling me to pay for this trainwreck, why doesn't he just swagger around a little bit on television, make a few emply promises, tell us we'll be healed if we just send him a check--no more worries. The bigger the check, the bigger the miracle. He has enough besotted, worshipping followers, he'd make a killing. It would be of their own free will and choice and boom--Health Care Jim Bakker style!

Warning: This post is long and waxes philosophical. If this combination causes boredom in you, read at your own risk.

It's Sunday morning. Ian and Ben just woke up (were woken up). Ben is sitting at the counter reading the friend next to Cate who is eating some waffles. Ian refuses to speak or even crack a smile at our lame parent attempts to make jokes about being grouchy in the morning. Ali is downstairs with Afton rolling the ball back and forth. John is sitting on the couch studying the Joseph Smith translation of Hebrews. There are some benefits to having church at 1pm. Our mornings are very relaxed.

It's been a good week for our family. John and I have been reading a book called The Total Money Makeover. I think we've finally found something that we both can agree on about how to manage our finances. Or maybe we're both finally in a spot where we're ready to apply the principles of financial freedom. We started last night by putting together a budget. I didn't get all tense and tired from the discussion like I usually do. I actually felt happy and energized. That's a really good sign. I'm still feeling great about it this morning--an even better sign. Maybe I'll learn to be a financial wizard someday afterall!

Actually, the week didn't start out as well as it has ended. I found myself feeling really discouraged about all the expectations I have for myself and feeling like there was no way to accomplish all the desires in my heart for myself and my family—mainly because there is such a huge learning curve. So much of it, I just don't know how to do yet. If it doesn't come naturally for me, I'm not sure how to get it done. I was reading one of my favorite blogs (http://www.lazyorganizer.com/) and the woman who writes it was talking about that very thing. She was saying how (and I'm totally paraphrasing here) sometimes parenting doesn't come naturally for her, but the great thing about that is that she can learn! Even though that's a pretty obvious statement when you think about it, it gave me a lot of hope.

I've also been studying the Sunday School lesson about "Seeking Learning, Even by Study and also by Faith" for the past two weeks. Wilford Woodruff said something that has been so helpful to me. "Do not be discouraged because you cannot learn all at once; learn one thing at a time, learn it well, and treasure it up, then learn another truth and treasure that up, and in a few years you will have a great store of useful knowledge which will not only be a great blessing to yourselves and your children, but to your fellow men."

I'm learning that my natural tendency is to be detail oriented and a perfectionist. This is a bad combination if you let yourself get so caught up in the minute details of everything that has to be done (there are an awful lot). Because, then the perfectionist side of you starts talking and reminding you that it is virtually impossible to tackle all those details and do them perfectly. And, then Satan starts in with the discouragement--too much to do, no possible way to do it well, too much, too much, too big--fatigue sets in before you start and you've quit before you've begun. As I pray and study though, I can feel the Lord changing my heart--one small step at a time. First of all He's making me aware of my personality traits--detail oriented and perfectionist have been a stumbling block for me in the past, but they can also be strengths if I know how to use them. What Wilford Woodruff said about learning one thing at a time seems like an eternal principle that I've never understood. This week, it's hit me like a lightning bolt! Baby steps Tina (Thanks Bob!) It's all about baby steps and every tiny step I make takes me closer to the goal. What a concept?!

I've been seeing it work in my life already and the speed at which I'm learning and changing is pretty impressive compared to the rate of change I experience when I'm trying to do things in a big way. For example, I started a workout program a couple months ago. For the most part, I've faithfully plodded along each morning--waking up early and doing my thing. And I'm actually seeing muscle develop on this formally flabby figure! (That 5th baby/bed rest did a little bit of a number on the muscle tone.) One step at a time--it works. I've gained two pounds but lost 6 percentage points of body fat in less than two months. Every day counts--a little effort every day. I can see how the same thing applies to financial freedom. Baby steps. Don't try to do everything at once. Don't get mired down in the details. Focus on one principle at a time. Learn it, apply it, treasure it then move on to the next step.

Parenting and homeschooling are my next focus. First step--a vision. If I don't have a vision for my family, how can I see where I'm going? God talked to me in a big way this week and planted the most beautiful vision in my heart. I'm not necessarily a very innovative person. I'm much better at taking someone else's ideas and tweaking them to fit my own style or needs. So, whose idea could be better than God's? I was reading Elder Bednar's talk from this last General Conference and it hit me like a ton of bricks--the Temple! Of course that should be our vision. I talked to John about it and he went right to work. He came up with a whole page of bullet points on how to get there, what our individual responsibilities are, and the tools we have to help us in the journey. We had a great Family Home Evening discussing it. It was one of those rare moments in family life where everyone was engaged and didn't seem to mind the time it took to go over it. Heavenly Father promises that if we seek and "teach diligently" [his] "grace shall attend [us]." D&C 88:78 I felt His grace (or power) during that family time. He magnifies us when we are diligent. I can't be diligent in anything if I'm over focusing. I can be diligent when I simplify and take smaller steps. I'm tempted to leap ahead and start making the family mission statement and implementing a chore system with allowances and organizing the house, and coming up with a stellar home school curriculum, but I won't. Not today. For now I'm going to focus on the vision. I'm going to keep studying it and learning it until it takes root in me and the kids. I'm going to treasure it up and then move on to the next step--just one, until I've followed the same process. Of course life has to go on and I need to keep up with it, but my heart's work will be on one thing at a time until it's mine.

Ali turns 8!

Now that it's exactly one month past her birthday, I thought it might be a good time to post the festivities. Ali is my first born girl and as such gets all the benefits of being of the female persuasion. We did things big this year. She didn't want a party. Ali's not into crowds and noise and stuff, so Grandma Ellis, Ali and I spent the day together. Our first stop, Claire's Boutique. Ali's been begging me to let her get her ears pierced for longer than I care to remember and I finally caved. She was a trooper--not a single tear and the result: one very happy 8 year old. Next stop, the long awaited pedicure. Now, I didn't get a pedicure till I was over 30, but this was our girl day and how can you have a girl day without a pedicure? She loved it. We went shopping and bought some summer clothes and then met dad at Wildflower Bread Company for lunch. It was a really great day, but the highlight of the birthday was definitely the whipped cream fight! This sweet, feminine child felt that her day just would not be complete without being completely covered in whipped cream. A happy ending...

The truly special event of course, didn't take place until Saturday. Grandma and Grandpa Ellis, several relatives from the Phoenix area and good friends came to celebrate Ali's baptism. It was a beautiful service. Only one glitch--John forgot all about the plug when he went to fill the font. Oh well. We just imagined a beautiful waterfall instead of a running faucet and didn't mind the background noise so much that way. She did end up getting baptized though and was absolutely beaming when it was all over. Everyone joined us at our house for a barbeque after the service. We so love our friends and family and felt really blessed to be share this day with them.

An Open Letter to Janet Napolitano, DHS

Secretary Napolitano:

I read the entire (U//FOUO) text of the Department of Homeland Security Assessment on Rightwing Extremism today.

I am struck by a number of things.

First, the department is completely out of touch with what constitutes a threat to the United States of America. Citing millions of Americans applying for criminal background checks so that they can purchase weapons LEGALLY is not evidence of an increased threat. Criminals and terrorists do NOT register their weapons or submit themselves to the law when acquiring the tools of their violent trade. This is the TRUE threat, and one that is impossible to measure.

A preoccupation with the domestic political "right" will make mitigation of the threat of terrorism even more difficult, as the Department of Homeland Security is barking up the proverbial "wrong tree."

Second, the department fails to recognize that supporters of the 9th and 10th amendments to the US Constitution do not pose a threat to the United States of America. An increase in a movement supporting those amendments should be no more threatening than a surge in 1st or 5th amendment support.

One would do well to recognize that the true threat to our Constitution, and subsequently to the American way of life, comes from those who despise its principles and would overthrow it; not from those who read, interpret, and agree with it.

Third, the "right" or conservative part of the population of the United States are proportionally less likely to be involved in criminal activity or terrorism than are the "left" or the apolitical. Witness the leftwing "anti-war" movement of the 1960s and the gang activity among those who are uninvolved in the political process.

All who work for the security of our nation need to work hard to overcome personal and ideological prejudices and to focus on the threats to our country and our way of life in a rational and prioritized manner.

Fourth, linking a person’s moral or religious views on abortion or same-sex marriage to extremist ideology espoused by “white supremacists” is supremely offensive. There can be no rational or logical connection between private morality and activities aimed at toppling the government of the United States or harming its citizens.

The authors of this Assessment have let their morality color their views of all other belief systems. The prejudice is glaringly apparent in this part of the report. It will serve to blind the authors to the real threats to the nation’s security.

And fifth, to imply that returning war veterans as a group are weak-minded and susceptible to recruitment and exploitation by an extremist group on either end of the political or ideological spectrum is patently repugnant and infinitely small-minded. As a veteran of the US Army and National Guard (1988 – 1999) I take personal offense for myself and professional offense for the fine people I served with. We swore an oath to defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic and to bear true faith and allegiance to the same.

If the authors think that such a person, willing to lay down their life for the rights of people they have never met, is a threat to their idea of what government should be, perhaps they should reconsider their views.

This Assessment has painted conservative citizens of the United States as "terrorists" while the Department of Homeland Security has whitewashed true terrorism with the euphemism of "man-made disasters".

I understand that this is one in a series of reports on terrorist threats to the United States. Please make the other reports public and available.

I would appreciate your reply.

Respectfully,

John N. Ellis

SNOW!!!

Pure Joy!

Where's the hot cocoa?

We're going to sled even if you can still see the dirt through the snow!

Awwww...