Sunday, June 28, 2009

Warning: This post is long and waxes philosophical. If this combination causes boredom in you, read at your own risk.

It's Sunday morning. Ian and Ben just woke up (were woken up). Ben is sitting at the counter reading the friend next to Cate who is eating some waffles. Ian refuses to speak or even crack a smile at our lame parent attempts to make jokes about being grouchy in the morning. Ali is downstairs with Afton rolling the ball back and forth. John is sitting on the couch studying the Joseph Smith translation of Hebrews. There are some benefits to having church at 1pm. Our mornings are very relaxed.

It's been a good week for our family. John and I have been reading a book called The Total Money Makeover. I think we've finally found something that we both can agree on about how to manage our finances. Or maybe we're both finally in a spot where we're ready to apply the principles of financial freedom. We started last night by putting together a budget. I didn't get all tense and tired from the discussion like I usually do. I actually felt happy and energized. That's a really good sign. I'm still feeling great about it this morning--an even better sign. Maybe I'll learn to be a financial wizard someday afterall!

Actually, the week didn't start out as well as it has ended. I found myself feeling really discouraged about all the expectations I have for myself and feeling like there was no way to accomplish all the desires in my heart for myself and my family—mainly because there is such a huge learning curve. So much of it, I just don't know how to do yet. If it doesn't come naturally for me, I'm not sure how to get it done. I was reading one of my favorite blogs (http://www.lazyorganizer.com/) and the woman who writes it was talking about that very thing. She was saying how (and I'm totally paraphrasing here) sometimes parenting doesn't come naturally for her, but the great thing about that is that she can learn! Even though that's a pretty obvious statement when you think about it, it gave me a lot of hope.

I've also been studying the Sunday School lesson about "Seeking Learning, Even by Study and also by Faith" for the past two weeks. Wilford Woodruff said something that has been so helpful to me. "Do not be discouraged because you cannot learn all at once; learn one thing at a time, learn it well, and treasure it up, then learn another truth and treasure that up, and in a few years you will have a great store of useful knowledge which will not only be a great blessing to yourselves and your children, but to your fellow men."

I'm learning that my natural tendency is to be detail oriented and a perfectionist. This is a bad combination if you let yourself get so caught up in the minute details of everything that has to be done (there are an awful lot). Because, then the perfectionist side of you starts talking and reminding you that it is virtually impossible to tackle all those details and do them perfectly. And, then Satan starts in with the discouragement--too much to do, no possible way to do it well, too much, too much, too big--fatigue sets in before you start and you've quit before you've begun. As I pray and study though, I can feel the Lord changing my heart--one small step at a time. First of all He's making me aware of my personality traits--detail oriented and perfectionist have been a stumbling block for me in the past, but they can also be strengths if I know how to use them. What Wilford Woodruff said about learning one thing at a time seems like an eternal principle that I've never understood. This week, it's hit me like a lightning bolt! Baby steps Tina (Thanks Bob!) It's all about baby steps and every tiny step I make takes me closer to the goal. What a concept?!

I've been seeing it work in my life already and the speed at which I'm learning and changing is pretty impressive compared to the rate of change I experience when I'm trying to do things in a big way. For example, I started a workout program a couple months ago. For the most part, I've faithfully plodded along each morning--waking up early and doing my thing. And I'm actually seeing muscle develop on this formally flabby figure! (That 5th baby/bed rest did a little bit of a number on the muscle tone.) One step at a time--it works. I've gained two pounds but lost 6 percentage points of body fat in less than two months. Every day counts--a little effort every day. I can see how the same thing applies to financial freedom. Baby steps. Don't try to do everything at once. Don't get mired down in the details. Focus on one principle at a time. Learn it, apply it, treasure it then move on to the next step.

Parenting and homeschooling are my next focus. First step--a vision. If I don't have a vision for my family, how can I see where I'm going? God talked to me in a big way this week and planted the most beautiful vision in my heart. I'm not necessarily a very innovative person. I'm much better at taking someone else's ideas and tweaking them to fit my own style or needs. So, whose idea could be better than God's? I was reading Elder Bednar's talk from this last General Conference and it hit me like a ton of bricks--the Temple! Of course that should be our vision. I talked to John about it and he went right to work. He came up with a whole page of bullet points on how to get there, what our individual responsibilities are, and the tools we have to help us in the journey. We had a great Family Home Evening discussing it. It was one of those rare moments in family life where everyone was engaged and didn't seem to mind the time it took to go over it. Heavenly Father promises that if we seek and "teach diligently" [his] "grace shall attend [us]." D&C 88:78 I felt His grace (or power) during that family time. He magnifies us when we are diligent. I can't be diligent in anything if I'm over focusing. I can be diligent when I simplify and take smaller steps. I'm tempted to leap ahead and start making the family mission statement and implementing a chore system with allowances and organizing the house, and coming up with a stellar home school curriculum, but I won't. Not today. For now I'm going to focus on the vision. I'm going to keep studying it and learning it until it takes root in me and the kids. I'm going to treasure it up and then move on to the next step--just one, until I've followed the same process. Of course life has to go on and I need to keep up with it, but my heart's work will be on one thing at a time until it's mine.