Missing You...

Wishing there were words to describe their greatness of spirit. These men were larger than life. I miss them. I'm glad though, knowing they're together--taking care of each other. I love you Paul. I love you Grandpa.

After all this time, am I still allowed to post?

It's been several months since my last post. Since then, my sweet husband lost his job with Embry Riddle Aeronautical University and life as we knew it sort of vanished. John continues to work for Sodexo, only now his work keeps him on the road 100% of the time. We see him for a long weekend every 10 days.

He just left tonight to catch a red-eye back to Ohio. He'll arrive in Detroit at 6:30 am and drive to work where he'll put in a full day. Keep up long hours all week. Spend a weekend hanging out with his Courtyard buddies. Start over again on Monday. Keep up the same pace until he catches a red-eye back to Phoenix. And then, somewhere between exhaustion and unconsciousness drive home to Prescott to attempt some quality time with his family.

Sometimes I forget to tell him that he's my hero. Sometimes I wonder why in my ambush of words from the moment he walks in the door, right up until the moment he leaves, I seem to leave out the important ones--like "I believe in you" and "thank-you."

This has been a challenging time for all of us, but I've truly felt the Lord's hand in every aspect of it. I feel that everything has happened for a reason and is as it should be for the time. For some reason, I lost sight of that beautiful perspective that's been sustaining me these past months and let anxiety and worry get the best of me this weekend. When I begin to let negative emotions rule my heart, my mind goes into overdrive and heaven help the person standing closest to me! Out of my mouth comes every uncensored thought and feeling I've had pent up in there for longer than I chose to be aware of.

So, my point in all of this?

I just want to let the good man in my life know that I believe in him. I want to tell him thank you. Forever will I be grateful for his greatness of spirit, his goodness, his uncompromising willingness to do the very hardest things to make his family happy and comfortable.

I love you John. See you soon...

Comment "taco" tu?

Afton's first french phrase... "Comment "taco" tu?"

SNOW!!

I understand that most of the country has had enough of the snow already, but for us desert dwellers, we (meaning my kids) just can't seem to get enough.

We had to make our snowman quickly in case the snow decided to melt before we could finish. The snow never seems to get deep enough to keep the dirt from melding with the powder. So here he is...our slightly lopsided, unkempt, non-word of wisdom keeping snowman--but who can resist a corn-cob pipe? We couldn't; and, we reserve judgement and love him anyway. Happy snow day to you!!!

Lessons at 3 o'clock in the Morning...

Very early this morning John and I awoke to a vomitting child and spent the next hour comforting, bathing, and washing bedding. Somewhere in the middle of my fog, a very clear recollection of a conversation I had had with a friend less than 24 hours earlier came slamming into my mind. I had been discussing the merits of healthy eating. "Our family simply doesn't get sick very often," I said. "I know a healthy diet can't stave off all illness, but I'm sure it makes a difference." So, in the midst of wiping throw up out of my daughter's hair, I had the distinct impression that although it's important to take care of our bodies, it truly is God's grace that makes good health and all blessings we receive in this life possible. It's surely not because of any measly power I have that my heart beats continually or that my body functions properly at all.

I think I'll be calling my friend back today...

Speaking of Cate

I just posted this as a comment on my friend Tricia's blog. I think it's something I want to remember forever, so I'm posting it here too.

Cate (my almost 5 year old) sidled up to me the other day and said, "Mom, I'm a little embarassed to tell you this, but your cakes are OUTSTANDING!" I giggled (under my breath) and asked her if she knew what "outstanding" meant. She replied, "No." So I asked her if she thought it was good or bad. She quickly responded that she thought it was good. Then she asked me what it meant. I told her it means "really wonderful--even better than expected." I wish the whole world could have seen the delight in her eyes as she practiced the definition out loud a few times and then shared her new found knowledge with her brothers and sisters. Words are wonderful!!

Is Grandpa Going To Die?

I was just in telling my two "big" girls good night after a very long day. Of course when it's very late and I'm so very tired, one of my children will inevitably ask a question I can't ignore. Ali started asking questions about her Grandpa Ellis, who is sick. Five years ago, his breast cancer returned after many years of being in remission--this time to infiltrate his bones and lungs. Recently he seems to be declining at a quickened pace.

I feel like no matter how bleak the situation may seem, we should always hold out hope and keep praying for a miracle. How can God ever grant us one if we don't believe it's possible or even bother to ask? The older kids and I have been talking about it. Of course I explain the part about God's will, but I firmly believe that we miss out on so many blessings because we just don't ask. I don't pretend to know all the reasons why we fail to ask. I just know that in my case, I fear having my hopes dashed if God decides what I want isn't what He wants. So many of our hearts are going to break into a million little pieces if or when it happens, that I figure having our hopes dashed will be minimal compared to the loss we will feel at his passing. The kids and I are going to hold out for a miracle.

Cate was listening as Ali and I discussed Grandpa's situtaion. She asked me if he was going to die. I told her that Grandpa is really sick, that he has cancer. That was all she needed to hear. She broke into sobs. "All I want to do is just go be with Grandpa and take care of him." I told her we might try and go in November. She said she didn't want to wait that long, that we should "go, like the day after tomorrow." Maybe we should. She's feels so sad that all her grandpas will be gone if Grandpa Ellis dies. She loves this wonderful giant of man with all her heart--so much emotion and love bundled up in such a tiny little 4 year old. I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her until the hurt was all squeezed out. I can't just whip out a bandaid and make this one better. This is deep. This is gut wrenchingly real. This is when I have no place to go, but to the Lord. And pray with all my heart that He'll take this sweet little one in His arms and comfort her like only He can do. I pray that He will...